Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
