i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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