He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
