The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
