apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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