My boss' voice literally gives me gas
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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