Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
