thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
