Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
