Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
