And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
