Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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