Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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