have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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