oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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