I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
