i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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