I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
