She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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