My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
