Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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