Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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