if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
