She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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