You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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