Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
