me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize