I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
