so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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