His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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