Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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