I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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