This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
