I'm lost and stupid without you.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
