it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
