fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His hands were made for my vagina.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
