I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
