ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
