I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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