It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
