So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she peed on how many people?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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