Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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