I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
