Please don't use social media to get back at me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
