you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
