i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize