We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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