I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
look no pants
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
