The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
