U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
