The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's rum buckets o'clock
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize