it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
