wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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