He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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