so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
