I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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