Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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