Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
