You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
