Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
