we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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