I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
