it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Let's paint friendship bongs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
