I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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