I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
