He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize