Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
