He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
