Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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