There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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