Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize