if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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