i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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