for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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