That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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