I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
