I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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