I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
