There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
