Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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