tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
