I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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