Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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