In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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