i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
