She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
