Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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