Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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