Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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