I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
