forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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