He uses pillows to masturbate.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
