So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
