i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
